Jeff Foxworthy about a Georgia man...

... who should wear a "I'm stupid" sign...

They found this animal. He picked it up by the tail.
And he said "look, it ain't even cut up or bloody or nothin' !"
And apparently, "nothing" is the word that brings
a beaver back to conciousness.
Because that was about the moment the beaver
reached out and bit his nipple off.

[audience laughs]

Jeff:
Did not bite it, bit it off. O-F-F, off, bit it off.
That is a new kind of hurt right there.

Jeff Foxworthy - Blue Collar Comedy Tour
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Bill Engvall: Here's your sign!

***
"Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm Stupid' "
- Bill Engvall

So, anyway. I'm trying to be nice to this woman in lost luggage,
and I say:
"Excuse me!"
And she goes:
"Can I help you?"
I said:
"Yes ma'am. You lost my luggage."
She looks me right in the eye, and goes:
"Has your plane landed yet?"
I said:
"No princess! I'm having an out-of-body experience!
I'm just checking on them!"

Here's your sign!

***

I was in the store the other day, and I'm buying some new pants.
I put the pants on the counter to buy them,
and the little girl behind the counter goes:
"Are you gonna buy those?"
I said:
"Nope, gonna steal them! I just wanted you to
see them before I walked out with them."

Here's your sign!

Bill Engvall - Blue Collar Comedy Tour

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Mitt kungarike för en... åsna...

***
Shakespeare's Rickard III spelas på teatern och skådespelaren deklamerar:
"En häst. Mitt kungarike för en häst."
Då hörs ifrån publikläktaren:
"Går det inte lika bra med en åsna?"
"Jo, för all del," svarar skådespelaren. "varsågod och stig ner!"
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